Reality TV Updates

America’s Got Talent  How did 11-year-old Bianca Ryan and her barely passable version of Janis Joplin get more votes than illusionist Nathan Burton? I don’t even want to get into the Rapping Granny.

Question of the week: Is Donald Trump that tall, or is Regis that short? (Marc Schwarz)

BIG BROTHER: ALL-STARS: There were plenty of highlights last week: Chicken George getting his melon head shaved. Erika and Janelle giving Mike Boogie a sponge bath. Jase flipping out on the patio.

But none of them could match Will’s “I-hate-you-all” POV ceremony speech. The jaw-dropping faux plea to be evicted even topped his legendarily bewildering final speech from BB2 (see it at snipurl.com/u0q9).

I tell you, I would cut off all my hair (if I weren’t already bald), let Janey and Erika clean me up (if I weren’t married) and angrily throw dictionaries all over the newsroom (don’t want to do that again too soon, though) to see reality TV’s most likable sociopath win this season. (Theoden Janes)

THE ONE: For the few of you out there watching this, bad news: ABC’s pulled the plug. A network representative told Variety there were no plans for it to finish on either ABC Family or ABC.com. (Marc Schwarz)

PROJECT RUNWAY: Could anything possibly be more adorable than the sight of Tim Gunn walking 13 tiny dogs in Central Park? I think not.

Not adorable were Vincent Libretti’s and Angela Keslar’s latest creations. Angela went for a woman-teaching-art-at-summer-camp-in-Paris outfit, but the look was more demented, crafty showgirl. Vincent bafflingly escaped the runway inquisition with a hideous black dress paired with leggings. Katherine Gerdes was unfairly booted for a green dress that was deemed too simple and poorly executed. Confidential to Keith Michael: You say you’re taking a principled stand by not dressing your dog, as the challenge required. But we know you’re just insecure enough to try to sabotage yourself, so you have an obvious excuse if you fail, to which we say: Boring!

There were many beautiful creations this week, too, including a sleeveless brown dress from Michael Knight, with interesting detailing on top, and a lovely blouse-and-plaid-skirt outfit from Robert Best. Alison Kelly deserved to win with a fabulous linen, silk and leather dress and jacket combo that perfectly illustrated her Japanese-fashion-buyer-in-New York narrative, but Uli Herzner won with a bohemian ensemble of clashing prints.

Coming soon: Oh, the drama! Are the Internet rumors right, or will there be a surprise? (Adrienne Lu)

ROCK STAR: supernova  Phil is finally eliminated. Now that the mumbling bobblehead is gone, the competition is at the level it should be. Why was everyone surprised? My favorite jaw-drop was Zayra’s — so fake. She was just really glad it wasn’t her.

Speaking of the feisty Puerto Rican, toning down the superhero suit to disco diva for the elimination episode was a great decision. We can only hope she doesn’t run back to that fashion faux pas in the coming weeks.

It’s been three weeks and not a word has been said about the lovely Storm Large. The super-animated Lindsay Lohan look-alike has won everyone’s hearts every week so far and put the icing on the cake with her rendition of the Dramarama number. I bet she can smell the finals from here. (Yahaira Toribio)

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE: America’s Favorite Dancer will be Cliffside Park resident Heidi or her cousin Benji. For proof, consider their competition:

Donyelle: Doesn’t know the difference between Viennese and Vietnamese.

Natalie: An excessive crier who is a bit too sexed-up to win a family TV show.

Travis: Nigel’s right: He really does dance like a Gingerbread Man sometimes.

Ivan: He’s improved tremendously, but he’s still an amateur. (Erica Dietsche)

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