Reality TV Updates

The Episode Smelled Around the World: Flavor of Love, Season II Premiere

August 2006 has already brought forth a few unforgettable reality television moments:
 
In one week I have seen a female contestant take a dump on an Italian marble floor during the first episode of Flavor of Love 2, Dwayne “Dog” Chapman marry his common-law wife Beth wearing a pair of white jeans and a white Chippendales vest on Dog The Bounty Hunter, Keith Michael get kicked off of Project Runway, and Gene Simmons introduce his new show “Family Jewels” — which might just be the most offensive and lame reality show I have seen since…..ever.
 
But, the reality TV moment destined to be watched on YouTube more than The History of Dance Guy goes to:
 
Flavor of Love, Season “Number Two” — a relationship/dating show featuring Flavor Flav of Public Enemy. You know Flav, right?  He’s the guy who’s the size of a circus peanut and wears Movado clocks around his neck.
 
Well, Flav’s star is rising once again, and with moments like this he’ll be getting his own star on the sidewalk. (Sure it will be in Compton, but hey…give the Flav a break!)

This week an obscene amount of people tuned in to see greasy-faced Flavor Flav try once again to find his lady love. But, there were no ladies in Season 1. And this season looks worse. Within 15 minutes of being in the house, a contestant named H-Town (after her home city, Houston, TX) and another one whose name is PRONOUNCED Sapphire, but you’ll need a ghetto-momma translator to learn how to spell it, have a full on cat fight over a twin bed. Sapphire was carried out of the house by the butler, screaming about whuppin’ ass and her $800.00 dollar weave.  H-Town was sent home with a posible concussion from the brawl. This scene, however, was  DisneyWorld compared to the one that defined this episode.  “Somethin,” a large, loud and “in- charge sista,” squat right down and emptied her intestines onto Flav’s marble floor. Rumor has it that Somethin’ actually tried to pick up her fecal matter and sneak up the stairs unnoticed. But, two things made an elusive exit impossible: one the stink that filled the room, causing Flav to exclaim “What’s that smell up in my crib??” and two, the fact that she dropped a piece of said fecal matter on the stairs.
 
Here’s an interesting fact most don’t know: Somethin’ is actually an internet adult entertainer.  In other words, she is a skanky ‘net ho. The “skinny” is that Somethin’ was not sick as she claimed, but so loose in the nether-regions from her porn activity that things just, well, fell out.
 
VH1 relationship show “Flavor of Love 2″ captured the biggest season premiere audience ever for the cable network — which means there are a lot of sick freaks out there. Tune in next Sunday for more Flavor Flav.

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